Upon being promoted to sports editor at The Crimson White, one of the first problems brought to my attention were complaints by fans on the paper’s lack of basketball coverage last season. My initial response was: wait, we cover more than football?

All jokes aside, despite being far and away the second most covered sport in Alabama, there are some people who feel the hoops coverage at Alabama is lacking. Alright, “Crimson Chaos,” I wanted you to know that not only was your response heard, I’ll do you one better.

Lets make a deal.

Somewhere in the midst of lining up the 500 football stories I plan to throw at you for next year, I found the time to pay some attention to the upcoming basketball season as well. You know what? We are going to have a pretty good team this year. Basketball crazies, this is your chance; it is a one-time opportunity. I plan on unleashing a full-on Hypezilla capable of sustaining any bit of basketball fever you have this season. I mean we are bringing out the stops; by the end of the season, I’ll be covering this team like a 15-year-old girl watching “Secret Life.” There won’t be an aspect of basketball that goes uncovered. Sound good? Thought so…

However, I ask for one thing in return: actual crimson chaos.

There is very little chaos about our basketball atmosphere. While I will admit, Coleman Coliseum was pretty electric during last season’s magical run leading to the NIT, it still isn’t enough. If you are going to ask for a seat at the grown-up table, you are going to have to bring your A-game. Basically, if you want football-like hype, provide a football-like atmosphere. That means standing up, shouting until your lungs bleed and a bevy of unkind word missiles directed toward the other team’s players. Get mean, for goodness’ sake. Better yet, get “chaotic.” At Duke, they do that spirit finger thing – that’s cute; do something like that. Or that creepy chant thing they do in Kansas, that’s… different. Better yet, be unique and find your own thing; I don’t know, just make it cool.

Use some of the antics that caught on last year. Cutouts of player’s heads? I’m for it. The fashion sense of a drunk Chris Sager? Ok, I can go with it. But bring in that added element. Mississippi has those annoying cowbells, so one up them. What’s more annoying than a cowbell? A kazoo. I realize that due to NCAA rules and regulations, it is illegal to use artificial noisemakers during the game. Fine, use them during timeouts. I mean, what would be more frustrating than an army of kazoos being played as you are trying to make a play call during a crucial moment in the game? It would be ridiculous… ridiculously awesome, that is.

Whatever you decide on, be original. No bodysuits, because nobody wants to see that and it has only been done a million other times. Also, enough with the whole picking one player to boo. Alright, we get it, no one likes this kid; but really, why even give him the added attention? Finally, I’m not saying get rid of the air ball chant, but this is a perfect opportunity to put a spin on a classic. Put a rhyme to it, spice it up, and make it your own.

Finally, like any other hyped up basketball team, this team needs a nickname. I am leaving it the hands of you, the public, to come up with this. I have racked my brain for ideas and have yet to come up with anything worthy enough to do the university justice. So, to help me put the finishing touches on the “Hype for Hoops” foundation, I am asking for name suggestions. Nothing lame like the Rising Tide (if that was your first choice, you might want to sit this one out. The team can use your help in another less creative way.) I will even go as far as to pick the best name and give a shout out to the creator in next week’s paper. You can email the names to [email protected]. May the best name win.

So, we got a deal? You want the media, give me the mayhem, and let the chaos ensue.