The following piece is satirical in nature and not meant to be taken seriously. In case you couldn’t figure that out.

By Vincent Oliver Prescott Cleveland IV

After criticizing other student organizations and colleges for their lack of diversity, I am legitimately surprised that no one has yet pointed out the lack of diversity on The Crimson White staff. In no place is this more apparent than the Opinions page.

In fact, until recently, there were no women and no minorities. Now, there is only one non-white columnist.

These Crimson Whities pretend to support unity, discussion and diversity, but they practice none of these things themselves. Their backgrounds as privileged whities have undoubtedly clouded their judgment on serious issues.

Thus, they write about Wi-Fi, which is only important if you are rich enough to own a computer. They write about parking, which is only important if you are rich enough to own a car. They write about Libya, which is only important if you are rich enough to care about Libya. They even publish letters about maids for Honors dorms.

Worse, they call out other students and organizations for ignoring or discriminating against average students and minorities. As if these 10 angry white males give a damn. Nevertheless, they are always eager to assert their moral authority and their superiority over their “less-enlightened” peers on campus.

In truth, these columnists can never truly understand unity and diversity, because they are white, and male.

That is why I, Vincent Oliver Prescott Cleveland IV, feel compelled to stand up against the hypocritical nature of The Crimson White, and demand an opinions staff representative of the entire student body. Though I am also a white male, I do understand the need for inclusiveness. Growing up, I spent a lot of time at the local country club during the summer, and the people who maintain the grounds there literally come from all races and backgrounds.

I have obviously seen the benefits of inclusiveness, and I believe the CW could benefit too. It’s time to end the hypocrisy and diversify the Opinions page.

Vincent Oliver Prescott Cleveland IV is a sophomore double majoring in French and inheritance management.