As part of a master plan to expand the University and, more importantly, greek life, the President’s Mansion will be converted into the Omicron Omicron Omicron Omicron house in Fall 2012.
“It’s truly an eyesore,” a UA spokeswoman said. “Right smack in the middle of this picturesque campus sits a white plantation home; very inappropriate for a college campus.”
Historians believe the mansion was once used to house the University’s president, although Interim President Judy Bonner has no intentions of living in the residence.
“Why would anyone want to live there? It’s old, it stinks and I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night to hear a bunch of sorority girls partying out my back window,” Bonner said. “My dance party days ended in the early 2000s.”
Quad Omi has its doubts about the new house.
“We totally appreciate getting this house,” Quad Omi President Betsy McBeemer said. “It’s so much better than that apartment we used to meet in, but, like, it’s so old. And small.”
Other sororities have shown disapproval at having the greek organization so close to sorority row. Quad Omi is not a member of the Machine, a traditionally white coalition of blah blah blah blah blah.
“I’m not so sure about having them right outside my front door,” said one sorority member, whose new house is being built behind the mansion. “They are kind of weird. I heard they don’t even vote in SGA elections.”
Architectural historian Thomas O’Brien expressed concern with the change.
“The idea is completely ridiculous. This building survived the fire during the Civil War and serves as a symbol of this University and its architectural history. Converting it to a sorority house is a disgrace to this University,” O’Brien said before being escorted out of the room by a UA representative.
Upon returning, O’Brien had a change of heart. “It makes sense. Currently the building serves only as a façade. Despite its history, architectural significance and the fact that IT’S ON THE NATIONAL REGISTER OF HISTORIC PLACES, we should probably just tear it down and build something else newer and bigger.”
Chancellor Robert Witt said converting the mansion is part of the University’s plan to give greek students, who constitute roughly 30 percent of the campus, more influence at the University.
“It totally makes sense,” Witt said. “I am proud of Dr. Bonner. I just wish I had come up with it during my term as president. Essentially, our plan is to make every building along University Boulevard either a greek house or Bryant-Denny.”
When asked about the future of other University Boulevard buildings, such as Rose Administration, Reese Phifer Hall and The Crimson White’s own Office of Student Media, Witt simply said, “No comment, especially about that last one.”
