The following piece is satirical in nature and not meant to be taken seriously. In case you couldn’t figure that out.
Anthony Grant has a long history in playing basketball. He also has a long history in coaching basketball. But what helps Grant the most on the sidelines is scaring the will out of anyone that he wants to.
He’s flexed his intimidation muscle in certain times throughout the year. There was the missed call at Vanderbilt earlier in the year. He put on quite a show during the loss at Ole Miss, too.
But now we know Grant has the power of a Greek god. Literally.
Grant put his powers on display Thursday, as Medusa, the Greek goddess famous for turning men to stone upon eye contact, made her entrance into Madison Square Garden.
Legend has it that Medusa was beheaded by Perseus, who avoided being turned to stone by using her reflection to figure out where she was while not looking directly at her, then decapitated her.
As we found out on Thursday, Grant was actually the one to put Medusa in her place.
“This one is definitely going in the trophy case,” Grant said.
Medusa lurked inside the Wichita State Shocker mascot costume until a timeout mid-way through the second half, when the mythological beast began its assault on the unsuspecting Tide.
What she wasn’t planning on was a legendary stank-eye from Grant that turned Medusa into stone, leaving Grant unharmed.
“It’s all in the eyebrows,” Grant said.
The experience was quite traumatic for freshman starting point guard Trevor Releford.
“Things got crazy in there,” Releford said. “When [Medusa] got on the floor, coach just went into total boss-man mode. I was hiding behind the goal the entire time.”
The investigation is ongoing as to how Medusa got into Madison Square Garden. The NCAA is investigating Wichita State’s involvement.
When asked to explain her actions, Medusa declined to comment.
Fans were speechless after seeing Medusa fall to Grant, and many children were escorted out of Madison Square Garden for the remainder of the game due to safety concerns.
Play stopped for the 10-minute stare down, until medical staff quickly carried Medusa off the court. Play resumed after a five-minute warm-up period.
Before being completely thwarted, however, Medusa, got her revenge on the Tide when she stared down senior guard Charvez Davis, causing every one of Davis’ shots to turn to stone.
“I don’t know how she ended up in that costume,” Wichita State head coach Gregg Marshall said. “Nope, nary a clue. It’s not like we have a world-class bioengineering program that might have created the first live medusa in human history. I mean we are Wichita State.”
Grant, who may have saved all of humanity through a simple glare, did not blame Medusa for the Tide’s loss.
“Our team has to be focused whether or not there’s deranged monsters on the court,” Grant said. “In the off-season we’re going to focus on developing a stronger defense for such situations.”
