Have you ever had moments in your life where you’re unsure about the future? Digressing past those defined dates and deadlines that we have into the unscripted narrative of our lives we’ve yet to experience. Recently, I’ve been listening to the popular Broadway Musical soundtrack, Hamilton. Between rapping about not throwing away a shot and who will tell your story, there’s the simple question of “what comes next?” that has seized possession of my every waking thought lately, and I don’t have an answer.
I don’t just mean in terms of next week or at the end of term, but later on like in 10 or 20 years. Career? Graduate school? Stay in Alabama or return home? Marriage? When I take out my job, school and even this biweekly column that I write, all that’s left is blank space and an infinite amount of time that I can’t fill with anything beside the redundant Netflix, social media and food.
In high school, I remember writing a letter to my future 22-year-old self. I’m almost two years shy of receiving that letter. It’s easy to recall almost everything I wrote, but harder to realize I have nothing to tell my younger, ambitious self. It’s the lack of progression that’s left me wondering what I’m doing with my life. Some people tell me that this is equivalent to a “midlife crisis;” I’m just young or that I should take everything day-by-day. However, questions usually reserved for our parents become aimed at us and you stop asking for permission. This boast of freedom ushers in adulthood and the ability to decide what we actually want … or don’t.
As time flies, hearts change and we get older we are lead to examine our past – sometimes fondly or remorsefully – because we’ve cultivated enough experience by our twenties to know that where we were five years is no longer germane to our impending future in another 10 years.
I don’t know what I want in life. Yeah, I said it. But I don’t want to continuously look back on my life and be rooted in the same habits as I was years ago. Can “living” be an appropriate answer for such a tiresome question? I feel that appreciating my life – no matter how great or bad at times – trumps how well planned out I can make it in another decade.
Moreover, the person you were when you filled out your application for the University and when you apply for graduation will ultimately be two different people. That’s okay. As UA students, we can branch out into different programs, meet people from different countries, and change perspectives from time to time. An overwhelming part of college is transiting from more than just a student into who you might be for life. So, switch things up and don’t be afraid of not knowing what you want; start with who you are, who you want to be, and whatever it is, be a great one.
Arnelle Johnson is a junior majoring in economics. Her column runs biweekly.
