In 1864, a young Southern woman wrote to the editor of the Southern Literary Messenger divulging her qualms of becoming an “old maid,” as documented in the Journal of Southern History. The Virginia woman was fearful the atrocity-burdened Civil War would strip the South of available men, rendering her and other single women in her shoes spinsters. The girl was 18 years old.
Now, roughly 150 years after the Civil War, the South still holds the record for some of the the youngest “I do’s.”
In Alabama, the average age for a first marriage is 27 for men and 25 for women, according to a Pew Research Center report. That’s only one year younger than the national averages, 28 and 26, respectively.
However, according to a Census Bureau report from 2011, 20.3 men in a sample of 1,000 men and 18.6 in a sample of 1,000 women were wed during 2009, higher than the national rate. For men and women around the country, the rate is 19.1 and 17.6, respectively. In the Northeast, the average is 16 and 14, respectively.
Haylyn Potter, a University of Alabama graduate, said it is a Southern tradition to get engaged young, because at one point in history, marriage was more important than a successful education.
“Our grandmothers were raised to get through high school and then get married, and our mothers were raised to go to college but still to get married before finishing college, because marriage was just as equally important,” Potter said. “Today, we are raised to believe we have to do it all, as long as we graduate from college first.”
Potter said these expectations are a cultural norm and are “practically innate.”
“We dream about getting married as little girls, and we are given baby dolls and dream about being mothers,” Potter said. “Once girls fall in love with ‘Mr. Right,’ they can’t help but feel as though they have to hurry up and take the next step.”
Brooke Bosch, a senior majoring in journalism who is currently planning her own wedding, said she thinks couples get engaged at an early age now because it gives them an opportunity to secure their futures after graduation.
“I don’t have to worry about living in a shack and eating Ramen Noodles for supper every night,” Bosch said. “We’ll be able to buy a house and other things sooner. A drawback, though, is that I can’t be selfish thinking about my future either. I had to look for a job where we both have the potential to get hired, even if it’s not the best place or position for my career or skill set.”
Getting engaged in 2013 at a young age might mean more work than it did for women several generations ago who didn’t have the option to enter the workforce after schooling. Now, young women who get engaged while in college find themselves balancing classes, schoolwork, internships and job searches, all while planning their upcoming nuptials.
Kim Boyle, who teaches wedding planning in the restaurant and hotel management department, said with the explosion of references and resources at the fingertips of young brides, planning a wedding can actually be easy.
So easy in fact, the age of Pinterest and countless Do-It-Yourself tutorials often result in young women having their weddings planned out before they ever even meet “Mr. Right.”
“After the recession in 2008, we began to see lots more ‘DIY brides,’” Boyle said. “One of the best resources is theknot.com, and there are all kinds of YouTube videos that show you step-by-step how to do this yourself.”
Boyle said about half of young women will hire a wedding planner, while the other half will plan the wedding themselves.
“If their parents have the money and they’re still in college, they’ll farm it out to a wedding planner,” Boyle said. “But a student has more time because they have Christmas break, spring break and sometimes summer break off, and they can hit the pavement running with their clipboard.”
Rebecca Weir, a senior majoring in accounting, is one bride-to-be who has used her breaks from school as a time to plan.
“So far, we’ve had no issues in balancing school and planning for our wedding day,” Weir said. “The best advice I received and would pass on to others is to not stress over the small details. I recommend giving yourself a realistic timeline to plan a wedding.”
Weir and her fiance will have been engaged exactly 18 months by the time their wedding day arrives.
“I know if I had only a few months to plan a wedding, I would have a hard time balancing and planning and managing my school work,” Weir said. “It’s much better to have plenty of time to have the wedding of your dreams, then to plan something you are constantly stressed over and takes away from your school work.
“If I had to see any drawbacks, it would be the couple that hasn’t known each other that long, or hadn’t taken the time to sit down and talk about the important topics when thinking about marriage, like your faith, how many children you will have, where you will live and finances.”
