By (Person)

You know what really grinds my gears? Those (subject) teachers. (subject) teachers with all those (adjective) classes, jumping around there in (campus building), half-(adjective) with your (adjective) outfits. You know?

They’re out there (gerund) around and I’m just (gerund) here with my (noun). So, what am I supposed to do? What you want?

I don’t know, are we going to go (verb)? Is that what you’re trying to teach? Why are you (gerund) around there, throwing this (class assignment) all up in my (body part), over there in my face?

But I digress. What do you want, (Politician)? Tell me what you want.

Well, I’ll tell you what you want; you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that no member of the (political party) anywhere wants to (verb) with anyone, and to (verb) us with any (noun) otherwise is … is just (adjective).

You know what else grinds my gears? Where in the Student Code of Conduct does it say that a (animal) can’t (verb) off some (noun) in the privacy of (campus building) while his neighbor’s at (place) because I don’t have a DVD player? Well, I don’t know where it says it because the Student Code of Conduct was way too long to read!

You know what really grinds my gears though? People in (student organization). Why don’t they get with the (adjective) program? When they go to (campus event), don’t they know they look (adjective)? It’s called a (noun), folks. Everybody knows (student organization) is better anyway.

Well, it appears I’ve been fired. Well, as long as I’m no longer working here, let me tell you something: You know what really grinds my gears? You, (higher institution)!  And (Expletive) you, The Crimson White.

(Person) is a (year) majoring in (childhood activity) in New College.