We all share the same vision for campus. We all may not have reached the same point of understanding yet, but we do. On the specifics, such as block seating or our segregated greek system, we have our differences, which have clearly been presented through opinions columns and discussion forums on campus.
It sounds simple enough. An equal playing field and to have our voices heard, that’s all we want. Towards this ideal, we take to yelling in a variety of forms. We struggle to constrain ourselves when given the chance to finally stand up and represent our feelings. Our yelling, however, pushes aside the listening.
Take it from me; I have blown up in more than a couple of campus discussions and in columns over the years. When given the golden opportunity to speak to administrators and other students about campus issues, I have fallen victim to human nature. I walked into those meetings with a motive and sought to prove how right I was and how wrong everyone else was. Even when I tried to listen, I made sure I heard what I wanted to hear.
I failed to understand that discussions couldn’t be won. I lost respect and my temper and won nothing. There is a proverb that I wish I had acknowledged that reminds us, “A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.”
I have for too long believed that I could turn people to my line of thinking by crafting the perfect arguments.
Writing a column for three years didn’t necessarily help, though I have always been someone raring to duke it out verbally. I once had the gall to write that students, student organizations and the University should stop being so defensive – after I had called them out in previous columns, of course. How could I not see that my foolish urge to take a bat to anything I saw as wrong actually forced these individuals to defend themselves? Their reactions were those of any sensible person. It makes me sick looking back.
I brainwashed myself into thinking that my passion for campus may have looked and sounded like anger but was actually good-willed passion. I should have cared more about what that passion resembled instead of charging along with little regard for what others thought. When you believe that you are always right and everyone else has to be wrong by nature, then you begin to believe that other opinions don’t even matter.
It quickly becomes a matter of pride. I know I’ve been too proud to give any ground or to actually work with another side. Why should I take the first step if I’m right and they won’t admit that they are wrong? I put my ego before campus, in the name of campus hypocritically enough. We are all proud of our accomplishments and involvements, and we can’t forget that that everyone is the same way in this regard.
The goal of all campus discussions should be to seek a sense of understanding, not an agreement on who is right and who is to blame. An understanding of other opinions leads to agreements later on while fostering better relations until that due time. I know full well how difficult it is to be patient with these matters; however, it is a necessity.
The best discussions I’ve had have been one-on-one. Unlike large group settings, you are not looking to win points with everyone else and are forced to listen before responding. Bringing different students together to address campus issues must be done effectively instead of being done for the sake of it. Enough discussions have crashed and burned already.
I won’t blame you one bit for dismissing my advice as another senior filled with regrets. All I know is that I have little to show for a whole lot of frustration. My mistakes helped me learn the myriad of wrong ways to approach campus issues. I hope that, at the least, others may learn from them as well.
Far too often, when we attempt to have our voices heard, we end up yelling and refusing to seek understanding with those whom we are yelling at. The best way to approach campus divisions is simply to cross them, not to yell across them.
Wesley Vaughn is a senior majoring in public relations and political science.
