In the present, students wear overly casual attire that does indeed send the wrong message to professors and classmates. I have a modest proposal for this sartorial problem.

I say, for every pair of norts and over-sized tee-shirts that girls wear, they must donate used, nice clothes to Africa. If they are only willing to wear Lilly Pulitzer on Saturday, maybe they should give Lilly away to someone who will wear it everyday.

Furthermore, for every odd-patterned neon sports bra that is worn, they should just go without a ripped shirt so everyone will clearly see it. Ostensibly, they wear weird sports bras only to show off how fetch and cute the bra is.

Why wear a tank-top like a shirt when you can lose the top, be more comfortable, and still have all the eyes on you?

As for the gentlemen of the Capstone, how careless are you when you wear that Polo T-shirt with knee-length Bermudas? Get with the program, men. The only proper way to go to class is with a wife-beater and dirty underwear. If a male student fails to wear a nice and ironed wife-beater, he must donate one of his wrinkly pocket shirts.

Just imagine Dr. Witt’s face when every girl has her belly button showing and the impressive accomplishment that the school provided clothing for every person in Africa. At that point, Alabama would be ranked No. 1 by US News and World Report and the University would no longer have to throw around statistics like a hyperactive kid who just read his first Guinness Book of World Records.

Patrick Crowley is a sophomore majoring in math.