There’s no better time to be an Auburn fan. Well, at least there’s no better time to hate Alabama, and Auburn fans know it. Our Hawaiian Prince has been dethroned, a playoff berth is still up in the air and quite frankly, our wounds from the LSU loss are still fresh and painful. With the Iron Bowl fast approaching, it’s time to explore just why Auburn is clearly the superior football program. 

Obviously, Auburn football can be a bit of a hit or miss (mostly miss), but the scoreboard doesn’t tell the whole story. While Auburn might miss often, this simple fact means it hurts a lot less when they lose. Assuming that you hadn’t begun drowning your sorrows during the tailgate, you remember how losing to LSU felt a few weeks ago. Now just imagine never being let down again. That’s just one of a long list of perks available to Auburn fans.

On the note of being let down, we still haven’t gotten the opportunity to watch as an Alabama football coach holds public office. Auburn, on the other hand, is in the midst of witnessing former head football coach Tommy Tuberville run for Senate. In his own words, Tuberville said, “I am running for the United States Senate because I believe liberals in Washington are out of control.” Again, we have a shining example of why it’s great to be an Auburn fan. 

In case you need to be reminded like Coach Tuberville, we have a Republican-controlled White House and Senate, but that doesn’t seem to matter to him or to Auburn fans. They have the benefit of being able to vote based on nothing but football. The ability to simply turn off one’s thoughts on policy and just check the box next to the name of the Walmart-brand Nick Saban is refreshing.

Surely enough, though, there must be a downside to being an Auburn fan. This downside is, of course, the depressing lack of national championships. It seems inconceivable that a team with fans so OK with losing, and a well-funded football program with absolute minimal pressure, would be unable to scrounge together even half of the national championships that Alabama has. This would indicate a problem of some sort. This problem could have a variety of sources, but the most likely would appear to be Aubie the Tiger. 

Aubie, being the only form of entertainment for the thousands of Auburn fans in attendance at the football games, is clearly also distracting the players with his antics. It’s hard enough to keep your head in the game when a fully grown man is desperately seeking your love and validation, but when that man is doing flips in a tiger costume, it’s simply impossible. Hopefully this will be the case during the Iron Bowl.

So, as we all gather around the dinner table this week to give thanks, let’s all be thankful for Aubie – that, and the fact that Auburn is just not a great football team. Roll Tide.

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