“Twitta’s for losers, Jay; if someone wake up in the mornin’ wonderin’ what I’m doin’, they a loser.” Charles Barkley’s right. Twitter is for losers.
And like so many of you ladies, I too am a loser. As a late joiner to the social networking religion, I am bombarded by the convenience of having so many of my favorite voices all rolled into one happy medium.
Twitter allows me to do everything from keeping up with the headlines of all my favorite web media sources; to reading my favorite funny celebrities’ latest bit of comedic wit; to keeping tabs on my friends; to seeing funny pictures. (Funny pictures are the best, right?) But while I watch my fellow UA feminine peers ceremoniously create themselves in 140 characters or less, I can’t help but think that we could do better.
This thing that has many students, especially girls, ritually contributing their two cents five times a day was created as an outlet for information. Information in this sense means headlines, promotional work, social commentary, and of course, funny pictures.
Like all social networking sites, Twitter allows you to create an identity solely by yourself. There are reasons we choose the profile pictures we do. Because we look good!
There’s a reason why some of us still have that egg after two years. We just don’t care. Twitter is the essence of how we’d like to be seen, we hope. Still, some of us forget to look down at our bracelets and think, WWID? Well, what would you do? What do you want us to gather about you from this tweet?
One thing we gather from many of our peers is that, quite bluntly, things that suck are funny. Social commentary on things that just don’t make any sense is entertaining because we can all connect to it. (Thanks, Seinfeld.)
But do we always want to be reminded of the things that annoy us in an avenue for entertainment? (And why do we write so many letters?)
“Dear vending machine, thanks for giving me Grapico instead of Sierra Mist and ruining my whole life. Sincerely, #tickedoff.” This too-common drama in postal disguise really tells us nothing about you, except that you need to get a grip.
We’re in college! Wise up! You have to be at least a little bit narcissistic during this time of your life. (You’re still allowed to do whatever you want without worrying about anyone but yourself, and the people who raised you typically pay for it! They love you!)
Make a clever joke about that tiny water cup they give you at Panera Bread, as if they resent you for choosing the healthier and free option of beverages. Give a humorous play-by-play to pass the time at the health center. Own your hilarity. You know you’re funny!
Your brutal depictions of the “GDI” or “fat girl” in your class? Save it. We’ll just think you’re awful and we’ll unfollow you.
The other day, a tweet was addressed to Daniel Tosh from a UA student requesting that the comedian do more racist jokes. Her biography? A Bible verse.
Don’t confuse us. Take your misunderstandings of morality and logic to your blog. Aside from the more serious issue, this is Twitter. (This is entertainment.) (This is an app.) (Charles Barkley thinks you’re a loser.)
There are plenty of Twitter offenders though, most not as awful. Just irritating. You already probably follow them all—
The one we’re supposed to feel sorry for, but can’t stand: “The woman giving me a well-deserved deep-tissue massage for no occasion at all on this random Tuesday smells like my grandma.”
The alarmingly addicted coffee drinker who always stresses about lame assignments: “Well, after 4 cups, 2 lattes, and a bunch of espresso shots, staying awake in Rogers all night for this Geography 102 PowerPoint should be a breeze.”
The nightly soap opera queen who lives for nightly soap operas: “Barely slept after that Bachelor episode…btw, UM what’s going on in Japan? Who bombed them?”
The never alone girl whom you doubt has any real friends: “Just went to the Rec with @girl_who_only_tweets_about_food, and now I’m off to Bear Trap with my lovelies @girl1, @girl2, @girl3…@girl17!”
The shameless lover who probably has at least a few restraining orders: “OMG OMG OMG he texted me!!! I knew he liked me! He said, ‘hey, did you just drive by my house?’ Dreams really do come true!! xoxo”
And finally, the over-hashtagger: “Just saw a dog. #Iwantone #wheresmine #hernamewouldbeCinderella #mydadsaysImaprincess #Imadaddysgirl #LovemybrandnewBMW #thanksDaddy”
We’re smart women. We can do better. We go to an excellent school. We live in the Southeast. Aside from a few smelly trees and a bit of pollen, things aren’t that bad right now for us, the female population of the University of Alabama.
We ain’t never been nothin’ but winners, according to the Bear. (Take that, Charles Barkley.) Let’s step up our game, our wit, our intelligence, our entertainment! Let’s make Twitter live out its purpose for creation, and gain followers far and wide. Let’s stop whining and start really #winning.
Kingsley Clark is a junior majoring in communications studies and creative writing. Her column runs biweekly on Thursdays.
