“Be careful who you hate — it could be someone you love.” – Author Unknown
Last year, the headlines were full of stories about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth who had committed suicide. The nightmares of bullying and suicide filled many hearts with sadness and sympathy for the victims, but these stories also brought a tragic issue to the forefront; they reminded us of the prejudice and hatred that exist in all levels of our society towards lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people. We had heard stories before about adults, young adults and even teenagers victimized by homophobic or anti-LGBT violence, but this time, the victims are as young as eight years old.
It may be hard for a mother to accept that her son is gay, or for a girl to understand that her best friend is the same person, regardless of her sexual orientation. However, letting these feelings result in anger or alienation can be painful and isolating to a person living in a world where being who they are causes bullying in the schoolyard or vile accusations from politicians and religious leaders.
A thirteen year old has a hard enough time trying to develop as a person without being attacked and called names by her peers, told by the popular media that his life is predetermined to be hollow and riddled with drug abuse and depression, or feeling that they should hide their identity from their family. All of this occurs for a feeling they can’t really help.
Coming out is a difficult, emotional process for both parties, evoking many feelings—from anger to confusion to concern to sadness. These feelings are normal reactions to discovering that a loved one is LGBT.
Research indicates that up to ten percent of the population is LGBT, and approximately twenty-five percent of people have an immediate family member who is LGBT. This means that there are countless people who have experienced the same feelings as you and understand what you may be going through. The first thing (and one of the best things) you can do for yourself and for your LGBT loved one is to talk to someone else who has been through the same process.
Fortunately, doing so has never been easier. An organization known as PFLAG (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) exists to facilitate these kinds of conversations. You can go listen and talk to others who are friends and relatives of LGBT individuals (and even LGBT people themselves) and have experienced some of the same feelings that you may be.
PFLAG is a good way to understand your feelings better and gain some perspective on your situation with your loved one. A new chapter of PFLAG has just started here in Tuscaloosa, and will meet for the first time this Thursday evening, March 24 at 7:00pm in the Canterbury Episcopal Chapel Student Center.
If you have a gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender loved one, please consider attending a meeting of PFLAG. Doing so provides an excellent opportunity to help you educate yourself, and demonstrate to your loved-one just how much you value your relationship with them. In a world where LGBT people are the subjects of physical and ideological attacks, the support and understanding of their parents, family and friends can be invaluable, and may even save a life.
Alex Hollinghead is a junior majoring in math and philosophy.
