With an escalating war in Afghanistan, a forgotten war in Iraq, the death of the last U.S. veteran from World War I (not to mention the controversy surrounding his memorial services), the prospect of $5 per gallon gasoline and an apparent domino effect of falling dictators in OPEC nations, The Crimson White has proven why any hope that our generation will improve this great nation of ours is ill-founded and patently incorrect.

As I approached the law school’s newspaper stand today, I learned that the most important current event at the University was the fact that “T-Town toasts to Sunday sales.” I was relieved. There I was thinking that there were serious problems and serious newsworthy events occurring in the world.

My mind was put at ease, however, because the most important thing that happened this weekend was the fact that mindless college students were able to raise a jovial glass in honor of getting hammered on Sunday. Imagine my surprise, if you can, that MSNBC.com is reporting that the U.K. and France have drafted a plan to impose a no-fly zone over Libya. Or imagine my absolute shock at learning from CNN.com that President Obama has announced that the United States will resume trying detainees in Guantanamo Bay before military commissions.

Finally, if you will, imagine my dismay at the news reported by The Washington Post that Moammar Gaddafi continues to use deadly military force against his own citizens.

But wait, I thought to myself, the most Earth-shattering news of the weekend was that throngs of immature college students had shed the oppressive, inhumane and unbearable proscriptions of the ban on Sunday alcohol sales and were finally able to go get hammered on Sunday. Then I remembered which generation it is that reads this newspaper, the generation I am (quite unfortunately) a part of.

This is the generation that has made the white trash cast of Jersey Shore a household name. This is the generation that follows Charlie Sheen’s meltdowns like a play-by-play breakdown of a football game. This, my generation, is the generation that is so self-involved, so uninformed, so clueless about what goes on outside the walls of the fraternity house or the local bar, and so absolutely worthless that, in their mind, getting drunk on Sunday actually is the most important thing that happened this weekend.

Many of you reading this have probably guessed that I do not drink. On this point, you would be correct. I do not and I never have. This is a decision that was made many, many years ago and is completely irrelevant to this discussion.

I do not begrudge anyone who chooses to imbibe. It is their right, as long as they don’t bother anyone or put anyone else’s life or safety in danger. I have no problem with others doing what they please.

This letter is not about the decision to drink. This letter began (at least in my mind) as a letter addressing the ridiculousness of The Crimson White as a “news” source. As I wrote it, however, I realized that the CW is simply “selling” a product. In order to do this effectively, they must print what their target audience wants to read.

I quickly realized that the problem is not the CW. The problem is the target audience. The CW has simply realized that the thoughtless sheep at this University don’t care about important issues of the day. Therefore, it would be bad marketing to run a front page story about an important issue of the day when you are selling a product to a group of people who still look at the world the same way they did when they were juniors in high school.

So I say this to The Crimson White: Congratulations on a job well done. You have created a product that the average University of Alabama student will be happy to read. They can sit down and read about how Alex Cohen began bar hopping at 12:30 p.m. Sunday, stopped at 9:30 p.m. and then walked a “StRaIgHt” line as he left Gallettes. They can reflect on how “epic” their weekend was with the addition of a new day on which to get tanked. They can sit, thoughtless, and not ponder any important issues. Those things are too hard to think about. Those things require the expenditure of too much time and energy.

After all, who wants to think about the fact that the federal government posted a $223 billion deficit in February (the largest monthly deficit in history) when you have a hangover from a hard night of Sunday partying?

Ben McGough is a third year law student.