Here’s a fact I bet you didn’t know about America: its sitting president is a broken record. Sure, most of the country grooved to the timeless classic “Change and Hope,” and who can forget the touching power ballad “We Are the Ones We’ve Been Waiting For?”
But the audience has proven to be bitterly disappointed by the follow-ups “Bush Did It,” “Reckless Spending Bonanza!” and “Astronomical National Debt.”
Because of the popular belief that Obama’s previous releases have left many of Obama’s fans jobless and the nation’s treasury circling the drain, reporters asked the president on the morning after the 2010 midterms if the election results constituted a “fundamental rejection” (AP reporter Ben Feller’s words) of the Obama agenda. How did Obama respond?
With a greatest hits CD. No matter what your grievance, “Don’t Stop Believing: The Best of Barack Obama” has more played-out responses than Journey’s legal team has valid points about copyright infringement.
You don’t like the health care bill? Obama’s searing lyrics on “Why Beat a Dead Horse?” will set you straight. You don’t think Obama will reduce spending? On “Band-Aid Solutions that Distract From the Fundamental Nature of My Agenda,” Obama ignores earmarks. You don’t think Obama values bipartisanship? Sounds like someone hasn’t heard “Compromises on Irrelevant Issues.”
That’s right. Obama’s response to his falling chart numbers is the same as Coca Cola’s response to the failure of New Coke: hit ‘em with the classics.
From the onset of his reign as America’s First Songbird, it was obvious that Obama would pursue health care reform, a carbon tax, and universal education. Now, however, voters are enraged that each proposal costs enough to buy every Third World child a private tutor to teach them how to dougie and a bumpin’ stereo to do it to.
Reporters asked Obama how he will work with Republicans to reduce spending. Obama responded that “there are whole bunch of areas we can agree on” like energy policy and education.
Sound familiar? It’s a rip off of Bill Clinton’s “That Depends What ‘Is’ Means” from his platinum LP “Gettin’ Laid and Dodgin’ Questions.”
Obama refused to consider that his policy choices are inherently unpalatable to voters, so he took a page from Slick Willy’s book and talked about something else. Except this tangent reveals Obama’s belief that bipartisanship means voting for Obama’s agenda. How dope is that?
Hella dope.
The president just opened the “Chicago Politician’s Dictionary” and read the definition of cooperation: doing want I want you to do.
That takes mad cojones, but it doesn’t exactly have that fresh smell that made Obama’s early material so endearing. If there’s anything I’ve learned from watching MTV, besides that abortion should not only be allowed but encouraged in the state of New Jersey, it’s that once an act gets stale, another cookie-cutter corporate puppet show replaces it.
Will the Change Train be derailed? Will Obama be cast alongside dozens of broken strippers in a new VH1 reality show? Only time and Barack Obama’s ability to come up with new material will tell.
Robert Clark is a senior majoring in history and political science.
