College is short. These four years fly by in a haze of tests, football games, roommates, quizzes and maybe some alcohol. College is a place where we have the most freedom and the least responsibility for anything but ourselves. But, this is nothing new. We all had ideas of what college would be and how we would live it. I think the thing I didn’t expect was having regrets.

I came into college with delusions of grandeur. I would throw myself into extracurriculars, I would go out on tons of dates and never settle down, I would make a million and two friends. I never really thought about my academic journey, I just assumed I would be fine as long as I found something I semi-enjoyed. What really happened was a reversal. I spent the first month of school crying into the molded porcelain shower stalls of Tutwiler because I felt uncomfortable and introverted at every party I went to and then threw myself into a relationship to remedy that. I ended up never attending any club meetings and bombed every interview I took, which left my resume curiously empty after a year of school. Do I regret these things? Yes, some. I have to admit a part of me feels a regret for the person I wanted to become in college, because I certainly didn’t become her.

Some might see this as a cautionary tale, that you should always say yes to everything and never look back and wonder how things could have gone differently. But I think that isn’t sound advice; if you always say yes, won’t you wonder what might have happened if you said no? Regret is similar to failure, but softer, more emotional. It’s a wish to go back in time to change, an imaginative dream of what could have been. If we see failure as a way to get back up and do better and learn better, regrets should push us to treat people better and to take care of ourselves more. Failure may come from tangible things, but regret comes from a mix of heart and mind.

I found myself in other places. In my two majors I managed to find classes that I loved and challenged me to become better, in the way I wrote, saw movies, read novels. I found some friends, we broke up, I joined one organization while not the most well-known I was able to impact and it certainly impacted me (both for the better and worse). While I came to college expecting to do be average grade wise I managed to find myself ace-ing these courses I loved and while my resume may be a little light my GPA has, in a surprise twist, became quite heavy. And while I still wonder what might have happened if I joined another sorority or held my tongue instead of lashing out, these regrets don’t weigh me down as much as flutter at the back of my mind like an itch that sometimes needs to be scratched.

The truth is, seniors shouldn’t be ashamed of their regrets. The world doesn’t end after college; in fact, some people even say it gets better. I’ve noticed a great deal of seniors who are losing their minds over graduation – falling apart because they don’t know what they’re doing or they feel they didn’t do enough. I wish I could sit them all down and say it’ll be okay, although they wouldn’t believe me. It’s true, people on this campus have accomplished a great many things, but not everyone can be those Top 10 student leaders. And most likely, even those people have regrets. But that’s what life’s about. Each person’s journey on campus is different, and if we got everything we wanted we wouldn’t be the people we are today. The secret to life is: none of us really knows what we’re doing, we’re all just trying to do the best we can.

Alyx Eva is a senior majoring in American studies and English. She has been a regular columnist for The Crimson White since Spring 2016 and has devoted her spare time to Creative Campus. After graduation, she will be attending Vanderbilt Law School. Go ‘Dores!