We live in a society that overemphasizes the role that sex plays in the lives of successful men. Sexual relations often serve as an indicator, in our worldview, of the other achievements a man has made. If a director wants a character to appear suave and prosperous, all he has to do is give him female arm-candy. Tony Stark and James Bond are notorious ladies’ men, and even BBC’s Sherlock, who is painted as socially awkward, is frequently flirted with. This notion translates easily off the silver screen and inconspicuously takes hold of our reality.
Huffington Post reports that, when a sample of men was asked what the ultimate status symbol was, 13 percent stated that it was a relationship with a beautiful woman. This 13 percent didn’t simply admit that beautiful women were a status symbol, they claimed that women were the ultimate status symbol. The majority of the survey-takers replied that family was the ultimate status symbol, which, isn’t a beautiful woman, but still relies on sex for its existence. Our culture is so aware of our saturation in the idea that sex equates itself to success that many companies use it to their advantage in commercials – Axe shampoo certainly does.
If anything should excite the ire of feminists, it should be the fact that women aren’t even treated like people; They’re treated like status symbols. They are seen as the gateway to men’s societal and biological success and are fought for like prizes at a carnival game. Nothing is new about this mindset. The Trojan War was fought over claims to Helen, the most beautiful woman in the world. What makes this concept worse than other misogynist concepts, however, is that it slides by virtually undetected and not only casts its consequences on women, but punishes many men as well.
Men toil under the pressures placed on them by society’s demand on them to have sex. They are forced to conform to this sexual standard because not only is sex success, but celibacy is failure. Remember the enormous sexual successes of James Bond and Tony Stark? Try to think of a character that is still considered cool, even in the face of constant rejection from women. Even the socially inept characters manage to get the girl in the end. This has led many men to bitter frustration, depression and even insanity. The most drastic outcomes of this frustration manifested themselves in the Santa Barbara shooting, but equally alarming examples occur every day.
An article written about two weeks ago on University Primetime expressed the pains of this sexual failure. Like many of the other complaints like it, it blames women for men’s perceived failure. Its solution was that women should stop dressing provocatively and start giving “nice guys” a chance.
This startling solution is not only impractical, but also unfair to women. The true solution is that we need to stop pressuring men to have sex, and we need to stop equating it to overall achievement.
Sex, after all, is not overall achievement. Men don’t need sex for success. At the end of the day, nobody cares how many times Thomas Edison had sex. All they care about is the fact that he innovated the light bulb. Many of today’s celebrities didn’t have sex until their 20s or later. Actor Will Ferrell was a virgin until he was 21. Chris Martin, frontman of the band Coldplay, lost his virginity at 22. Some stars still haven’t had sex. Taylor Lautner and Tim Tebow both claim to practice abstinence.
We, as a society, need to stop placing so much emphasis on the sexual activities of society’s playboys and start shifting attention to the fact that, like Chris Martin and Tim Tebow, men can be successful without sexual prowess or desire. I, for one, would like to see a character that doesn’t get the girl, but manages to become successful anyway.
TJ Parks is a freshman studying history, journalism and anthropology. His column runs biweekly.
