I never wanted to marry. Then again, a previous iteration of me never wanted to be gay in Alabama, either.

Luckily, I long ago upgraded from that beta version programmed by middle school teachers who professed that “[we were] too lazy to learn biology, so [they were] going to teach us about [Adam and Eve, not Steve] instead” and that “the rectum is a thin mucus membrane; God couldn’t have meant for anyone to be homosexual.” I am now happily secure in my natured, nurtured, ever-developing identity.

And, currently, I refuse to justify my sexuality for anyone.

Still, my evolving opinion on marriage has surprised me. I always regarded marriage as an institution designed to convert women into men’s property and a gamble that I would be content with one person for the rest of my life. I did not want to aid its perpetuation.

Then I fell in love with my boyfriend last fall.

I am not aiming to defile American civilization; I am not part of a conspiracy against faith and federalism. I merely want hospital visitation rights, spousal tax and insurance benefits and the ability to rent an apartment without fear of eviction.

I merely want to feel safe walking in public with him. I want my relationship to be celebrated by my friends and family; I need my neighbors to recognize that my relationship is valid.

I merely want children, because we are both fertile (i.e., not sterile), and we have had numerous offers from prospective surrogates. I want to be part of an amazing parenting team because gender has nothing to do with parenting. Within heterosexual relationships, there is still fluidity of gender expression; frequently, fathers take traditionally feminine roles such as “the nurturer,” mothers take traditionally masculine roles such as “the coach,” and countless single parents handily perform every role.

Will marriage by itself fulfill these desires? No. If gay marriage were instituted nationwide tomorrow, individual state governments, hospitals, employers, insurance companies, landlords and adoption agencies would stubbornly ignore the change.

More importantly, the position of LGBTQ+ identified people who are uninterested in marriage would remain unchanged. Violence against trans* people would stay sky-high, as would the number of homeless queer and trans* youths. Teachers across the country would still spout their vitriol, encouraging students to bully their queer or trans* classmates. Job discrimination against LGBTQ+ applicants would still be an employer’s prerogative. Marriage has only been proposed as the cure-all for America’s systemic homophobia and transphobia because of a minority of wealthy, white, gay men who are so far removed from the average trans* or queer person’s experience that they think marriage is truly the only hurdle left for the community. They are wrong.

Do I support gay marriage? Yes. Do I think it should be legal everywhere immediately? I don’t think it is that high of a priority. Do I think it should happen everywhere soon? Only if it becomes an aim of a wider grassroots reform movement set on addressing America’s more pressing issues: racism; classism; immigration; voting rights; mass shootings; transphobia; rape culture; women’s rights; homophobia; the NSA; etc. We have to holistically reevaluate our society if we want to progress.

Do I intend to invite you guys to my wedding? Only if y’all bring your own booze.

Jacob Roden is a junior majoring in English.