In past fashion columns, I feel as though I may have left out a significant percentage of the UA population (50 percent), all of those bearing that precious Y chromosome. Admittedly, I don’t have much experience dressing males, but I can sure tell you what looks good and what doesn’t, like Sperrys and those shorts that leave little to the imagination after riding up sitting in the tiny lecture hall seats.

I honestly don’t believe boys when they say they don’t care what they look like. You don’t? Then explain the plethora of Aztec print Patagonia half-zips that popped up atop male chests after Christmas. That’s more than just function, you chose the fashion-forward print over the plain olive green and you know it.

Now that I’ve addressed men’s secret affinity for fashion, you can now come to terms with the necessity of style and succumb to fashion’s inherent control over the universe.

Rule No. 1 in boy fashion: Your shoes should mature with your age. Sperry’s are for 14-year-olds and should have walked out of your wardrobe the same time you cut your flippy Bieber-esque locks. Think of a time where you thought girls’ sex appeal was directly proportional to whether or not they’ve had their braces removed.

I understand, Sperrys are comfortable and ‘functional for water sports’ so save them for boat outings, not class. You don’t look professional and you lose two maturity points when you wear them with white socks. Just no.

Opt for a more age-appropriate shoe. Really, any brown leather or suede slip-on will do, because I know it might kill boys around here to sport a lace-up oxford. Secret: girls swoon over oxfords.

Rule No. 2: Every man should own a denim button down. Be it emblazoned with that ever-covetable horse riding polo player or snagged for $2 at a thrift store, this genderless fashion staple can be worn with virtually everything. Dress it up with chinos and a tie or dress it down thrown over your favorite T-shirt and jeans. Fact: Denim on denim is no longer taboo.

Rule No. 3: Dark jeans. Trade in your faded, possibly faux distressed, American Eagle favorites for something a little more grown up. In the end it will be cheaper. Dark jeans from Express, and even Old Navy has some righteous washes, can serve you well in a number of situations. Dress them up with a blazer (I’ll get to that in a second) or down with whatever you boys wear to class. T-shirts, I know, I just think you should mix it up every once in a while.

Rule No. 4: every man needs a statement jacket. You may not be the statement-making lad I seem to be referring to, but I promise a fun coat, blazer, or jacket can bump up any drab ensemble. Try a leather number for all you daring dudes or a camel blazer to pair with your newly purchased dark jeans. The possibilities are endless. Outerwear is a perfect way to insert a little personality, be it color, texture or cut, into your wardrobe.

Leading in today’s Crimson White:

Freshman Hakansson breaks school record in men’s weight throw

Local six-piece band’s album to include graphic novel

Senior Alexis Paine breaks 3rd UA record in women’s pole vault