Sometimes I feel like if my major were a person, we’d be in counseling together.
When I applied to study computer science, I was confident I’d love it forever. My first semester seemingly affirmed that — I was thriving in every class, far ahead of the material, and I felt amazing. But as I entered my second semester, something changed. I began to feel disconnected from the subject I was once so passionate about. While my grades were not the issue, I found myself wondering: Is this really what I want to do with my life?
College is the beginning of everything and almost no one has it all figured out. It’s a time of change, and change is inevitable as you grow and learn more about yourself. I try to remind myself that it’s okay to feel conflicted, that staying on a path that feels like a chore won’t lead to success. Still, I wasn’t prepared for how painful it would be to question my goals — or how ashamed I’d feel admitting to my family and friends that I’m struggling with something I once said I loved.
These thoughts have consumed me for days. I’ve felt unreasonably scared of my upcoming classes. I’ve been anxious about the future. And to anyone else feeling the same way, I know how hard it is. While I don’t yet know what I’ll ultimately decide, I’ve started by telling myself that it’s okay to be uncertain, because it is. I’ve opened up to close friends and they’ve been nothing but supportive. They keep reminding me that they believe in me and that no matter what path I choose, I’ll succeed. That kind of encouragement matters deeply when you’re drowning in doubt.
It’s incredibly stressful to keep moving forward while trying to figure out an alternative that actually feels right. And it’s even harder to switch to something you’re passionate about when you don’t know what your passion is in the first place. But if there’s one thing I’m learning, it’s this: being lost doesn’t mean you won’t find your way. It might be a tough road, but it is also a great way to learn what you really want to do in life. You get to try new things, discover new opportunities, make connections and meet people in the same boat as you. It is important, however, to remember that failing in new things you try is not a sign that you have something lacking in you; it just means that something different is in store for you. I always try to remind myself that I am not even 20 yet, so I can take time making these big decisions.
Although I don’t know when these cloudy confusions will fade away to let the sun of passion shine, I do know that it’s never too late to find your purpose in life.
