Sadness swept over Knott Hall last night after the UA Supreme Council on Elections released the results from the 2012 University of Alabama Model U.N. elections. The newly formed White Greek Liberal Party, which gathered in the University Fellows lounge to await the results, failed to win any important positions.

Party chair Ryan Flamerich said he thought the defeat was a result of miscommunication.

“I think the party failed to connect with students because they thought they had to be white, greek and liberal to be a part,” Flamerich said. “Really, we should have called ourselves the ‘White, Greek or Liberal’ party, because you really only need to belong to one category to join the party. We are totally inclusive.”

Flamerich added that he was not white or Greek, and he had been chosen party chair. He said the party was trying to open up opportunities for him and students like him.

“I mean, just look, we are here in the University Fellows lounge, and this is a place where I would never be allowed to go if I weren’t party chair because I am not a Fellow,” he said. “But I get to hang out here now on special occasions because I am trying to help Fellows win elections and connect to real people, and the Fellows have shown that they are willing to reward my loyalty.”

This was the first campaign in years in which there was any organized opposition to the long-dominant White Experienced Greek Leaders Party in the UA Model U.N. The mysterious chair of that party, who is known only by the letter Z, agreed to an interview under the condition that he be allowed to wear a brown paper bag over his head.

“We’ve been around for a long time, and I think students just wanted to go with the devil they know,” Z said. “I mean, we were running against people, you know, who have opposed our International Apartheid Seating program for the World Cup, and who have even criticized our party because we don’t allow countries to tell their taxpayers how much money they are giving to us.”

His words were muffled and, in the middle of the interview, Z agreed to tear off the part of the bag directly in front of his mouth. From the revealed skin above his lips, The Crimson White can confirm that Z, unlike his counterpart at the White Greek Liberal Party, is actually white.

Z continued, calling the White Greek Liberals “radical.”

“I think their positions on those issues were really just too radical for most of the student body to accept because all of those activities that we are involved in, they are traditions that have really been important to many countries and have really helped a lot of people out,” he said.

But Collin Davis, a junior majoring in sociology, said he didn’t see any difference in the candidates. “I read a column once about old money against new money; maybe, it was in The CW,” Davis said. “That’s what this election seemed like. Old money versus new money, but nobody with no money, like me.”

Flamerich said it was ridiculous to assume that the White Greek Liberals are as affluent as the White Experienced Greek Leaders.

“Having a lot of extra money from scholarship rebates is much different than having a trust fund,” Flamerich explained.

Foreign policy professor William Armitage said the Model U.N. election exemplifies many of the challenges facing the international community.

“All the candidates here were Greek,” Armitage said. “And it is apparent that Greece is going to hell, so we really need to ask why we aren’t seeing candidates from any other country. Do they think Greece just has it in the bag because they’ve been around forever? ”

Armitage said the apartheid-seating program was especially controversial, as many developing countries want better seats.

“Every year, it seems, I could predict the front row,” Armitage said. “It’s the U.S.A., Great Britain, Germany and Canada. Essentially, it’s just white people.”

Armitage said the only exception was in 2009, when a French native chaired the White Experienced Greek Leaders Party, and France ended up on the front row for the World Cup.

“The next year, they ended up behind Israel,” he said laughing.