Serving the campus of the University of Alabama since 1894

The Crimson White

Serving the campus of the University of Alabama since 1894

The Crimson White

Serving the campus of the University of Alabama since 1894

The Crimson White

2011’s Southeastern Conference All-Name team

The Southeastern Conference baseball season is over for now; the player awards have been divvied out, All-SEC teams have been named and Florida has been crowned Champion. There is but one award left to hand out.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: I present you with the most prestigious SEC award yet — the 2011 SEC All-Name team.

Pitcher. We will start on the mound, from the University of Florida, Tommy Toledo. Holy Toledo Batman, could there be a better baseball name out there? Alliteration aside, Toledo is just an awesome last name. The only thing better for Tommy would be a last name of Torpedo, but that would be too much to ask for now, wouldn’t it?

Catcher. Behind the plate, from LSU, we have Jordy Snikeris. This is one of the most unique names in the SEC by far. I’m not too sure which part is better, Jordy or Snikeris. On one hand you have Jordy; did he come up with that? Jordy is a short and about 1000 percent less cool abbreviation of Jordan. Forgive me, but I just can’t see fear bubbling up in an opposing pitcher’s chest when the name Jordy comes over the loud-speaker. On the other hand you have Snikeris. I don’t know what to say about this one, I just hope my next girlfriend doesn’t have it.

First base. At first base, from the University of Florida, Vickash Ramjit. Not going to lie, there are not a lot of first basemen with unique names in the SEC. Vickash you get on the list because I’m willing to bet that you are the only Vickash in baseball. If anybody doesn’t like this pick you can tell them I don’t give a ramj.

Second base. At second, from the University of Arkansas, Bo Bingham. By far my favorite name in the SEC. Every time Bo gets a hit I have the uttermost desire to hear the announcer say ‘Bing bam, Bo Bingham with a hit.’ Seriously, it would make my day.

Third base. At third base, from Auburn University, Wes Gilmer. I know what you are thinking:  why is this on the list? Simply put, it is just a baseball name. Wes Gilmer is the kind of name that MLB2K11 would make as a made up player. The name is just gritty and tough. When I hear Wes Gilmer I think, I want that guy on my team.

Shortstop. At shortstop from the University of Florida, Nolan Fontana. Boy, Florida is really racking these up and very well could be the best named team ever. Fontana is cool because it reminds me of the Fantanas, the singing group that invaded your television screen asking you the infectious question, ‘Wanta Fanta? Don’t you wanta, wanta Fanta?’ Coincidence that Fanta’s colors are blue and orange? I think not.

Outfield. Our first outfielder is from Vanderbilt University, Mike Yastremski. As an avid Red Sox fan, I have to put the grandson of former Sox legend on the list. Mike, you have big shoes to fill; make the Yaz proud.

Outfield. Our next outfielder is from Auburn, Cullen Wacker. Wow Cullen, you were born to play baseball. A batter named Wacker? This would be the equivalent of Lizzie Borden having the last name of Hacker, or Albert Einstein having the last name of Smart.

Outfield. Our final outfielder comes from LSU, Mikie Mahtook. Another case of alliteration amusing me. On top of the alliteration is the fact that Mikie, Michael Anthony Mahtook, decided to not only abbreviate his name, but also choose the more feminine -ie approach. If this truly was a team, we all know Mikie and Jordy would be besties.

Of course it is only natural that writing this column is a man that spells his last name with a T but pronounces it with an S… go figure.

Well there you have it, your 2011 SEC All-Name team, the best team you can… well, name.

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