The following piece is satirical in nature and not meant to be taken seriously. In case you couldn’t figure that out.

With the construction of new fraternity houses on University Boulevard and the planned construction of new sorority houses behind the President’s Mansion, we decided to sit down with the iconic mansion to discuss its feelings about the new buildings on campus.

CW: Are you happy about all of your new neighbors on campus?

Mansion: I know I should be, but I can’t help but think the University is trying to replace me with new, younger houses.

CW: You are 170 years old and are a part of one of the most scenic places at the University, though.

Mansion: I know I am. Still, these new buildings think they are hot stuff with their columns and new bricks. I was antique before they were even on a blueprint.

CW: Have you seen their blueprints though? They should be pleasant buildings to live near.

Mansion: During the week though, they are just going to strut around in their short, short columns and oversized roofs. I am in the National Register of Historic Places. I’m too old to keep up with these newly furbished structures.