College is a special time full of some of the best and worst memories in a person’s lifetime. Whether they come from a night out with friends or a stressful study session, they all typically end the same way: with a pizza. Luckily here in Tuscaloosa, we have plenty of options on where to get that late-night pizza. Unfortunately, they are all terrible.

Being from Chicago, home of some of the best pizza in the country, my standards are clearly very high. I grew up with the ever famous, classic deep-dish pizzas from Lou Malnati’s and Giordano’s within minutes of my house. I was never exposed to chains such as Domino’s or Papa John’s. I found it quite odd that a pizza could be ready and delivered in 30 minutes or less when all I’ve ever known is a pizza taking 45 minutes to an hour to even be made.

I have learned from experience to never expect much when ordering a pizza outside of Chicago, except maybe in New York. I was taught the importance of buying frozen pizzas from the local grocery store when out of town. I was raised to know better, but still, I decided to take matters into my own taste buds once I started college. “The University of Alabama is a huge school, and pizza is a college staple. How terrible could it be?” I thought. This was when I realized that sometimes ignorance is bliss, and mother does know best.

Don’t get me wrong; my disdain for Tuscaloosa pizza goes beyond the cheap pizza chains that start to become necessary when money is running low and Dining Dollars are the only form of currency left. While I expected little from Domino’s or Papa John’s pizza, I expected more than a weird, floppy piece of bread with some cheese slapped on it. Although I was disappointed, you get what you get when you’re paying with “free money,” as I like to call my Dining Dollars.

I couldn’t base my Tuscaloosa pizza opinions off of some lousy chains. I kept searching for something that could satisfy my craving for something greasy and cheesy.

After a night out, my friends and I heard Little Italy was the spot to check out on the way home. I had to try it out and decide for myself if it was really time to swear off eating pizza here for good. I was ecstatic to learn that maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel after all.

There was not.

The pizza as a whole is soggy with grease, and not the good kind of grease. The cheese is gritty, the sauce is flavorless and the crust is soggy. I did myself and my wallet a disservice in trying Little Italy pizza a couple more times after that initial taste test, in case maybe that first time was just a fluke, because everyone has off days, right? Wrong.

After that horrific experience, I went on to try some of the other popular spots in Tuscaloosa, and they all fell disappointingly short. To make matters worse, you can’t even use Dining Dollars at these places. They have the audacity to request real, hard-earned cash to purchase these pizzas. You’d be better off throwing your money out the window, because then maybe you’d get the satisfaction of brightening someone else’s day, as long as they didn’t use that money to go buy themselves a pizza from Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Stick to the frozen pizzas to end your nights while you’re here – you’ll be better off.