In response to the op-ed piece by Michael Patrick, I find myself confused and a bit dismayed. I am confused as to how a conversation about teen death can become a tirade against “flamboyant gays.” I am dismayed because the sentiment expressed by Mr. Patrick is an all too common occurrence in a culture that does not value difference or individual expression of each human life.

I am glad Mr. Patrick made his thoughts about assimilation so public because he represents a movement away from celebrating the joy and excitement of individuality, and a movement toward a creeping cultural homogeneity that has been simmering in the background of American culture for a long time.

Assimilating into the dominant culture is never a viable option for minority communities looking for equality and full inclusion. Rendering something invisible does not make it equal, nor does it make it acceptable to any part of the culture.

The deaths of these students are a tragic reminder that as a culture we allow hate and violence to run unchecked because we simply cannot understand how differences make us stronger as a nation.

Relegating difference into our supposed “multicultural” society has taken on the form of a game of Bingo. We are happy as long as the “different” people are kept within their 30-day celebrations, and on our checklists for inclusion. I happen to think it’s OK to be black outside of the month of February, and I happen to think its fine to be a woman even when it isn’t March. Celebrating difference in this way will always create a sense of “otherness” in our culture that never challenges norms, ideas, or even the very fabric of who we are as a nation.

I am glad to see so many intelligent responses to this article online, and it gives me hope that so many people see Mr. Patrick’s article for what it is. This sentiment and the outward disavowal of supposed “flamboyant” people is the worst kind of bigoted homophobia.

All of us should be able to express ourselves in any way we choose without the fear of bullies or violence, and Mr. Patrick is wrong that pushing away people deemed too over the top will make us any freer. Thomas Peele said that in our culture, queer community can only be seen as acceptable, but never desirable. He is right in that as long as we push for only one kind of life experience from all of us, we can never learn lessons from or begin to appreciate what choices exist for us.

Shame on you, Mr. Patrick, for using the deaths of these students as a platform for some rhetorical argument about the queer community. These deaths deserve more than a cursory acknowledgement, but rather they should remind us that we have all (in our own way) failed. It isn’t just the conservative media, the mainstream gay political machine, the bully or the ever-present specter of heterosexual white Middle America that has put us in this position. As long as each of us allows bulling of any kind to go on, as long as we rally for mediocrity and assimilation and as long as we are OK with choosing small groups to beat up, then we are all responsible for these deaths.

Josh Burford teaches LGBT American history at the University and is one of the advisers for Spectrum, the LGBTQ group for undergraduate students.