Once he has fixed Tuscaloosa’s public school system, I believe Cason Kirby should ascend to the Alabama Governor’s Mansion. Recently expunged from that nasty fishing expedition of a scandal, Kirby’s good name has been restored. Now, he should ride the tide into the history books of Alabama politics. Identified on his website biography as a Rotary Club member dedicated to making sure “every child in Tuscaloosa gets a quality education,” constituents from across the state can be sure that Kirby will judicially use his experience of governance to positively impact the lives of all Alabamians.
The one thing we can postulate about Kirby’s platform is that he is solidly in support of the groundbreaking grassroots campaign “Free the Hops.” Because, friends, as we all know, a vote for Kirby is a vote for free beer. I’m sure, with recommendations from his loyal supporters, his campaign can be convinced to set up headquarters within Innisfree or another local watering hole.
There can be no doubt that Kirby will collaboratively work with Alabama’s judicial and legislative branches. We have already seen his masterful navigation of the Alabama judicial system. Last week’s ruling is a clear case in point. And, by the end of his first term, we can be assured that he will have the Alabama Senate running like a well-oiled machine. He will likely turn Montgomery into a fraternal atmosphere of transparency and productivity.
As a double alumnus of The University of Alabama, we can also be assured he will remember his alma mater in his political and legislative agenda. In fact, I am under the impression that applications to support and join his campaign team can be dropped off at any fraternity or sorority house. Appointed representatives will ensure swift and confidential delivery of your application to our soon-to-be governor elect.
I imagine Kirby’s commitment to Alabamians will begin on voting day as he once again rolls out stylish rides to various polling places. This will be his first of many initiatives to encourage young voters to begin a tradition of civic engagement. I have no doubt the Kirby campaign will take this opportunity to mobilize young voters beyond University Boulevard and Colonial Drive.
Toward the end of electing this true statesman to his next well-deserved position, I offer the following suggestion to his campaign: Utilize fall sorority and fraternity recruitment at all colleges and universities in our state as captive audiences for campaign material distribution. Here, at UA, I imagine his campaign will be put into rotation during the first day of sorority recruitment, also known as ice-water tea day. This way, the campaign can assist so many freshmen in the voter registration process prior to even pledging. (I imagine this will also reduce the legal fees for the individual organizations.)
I have no doubt that, if elected, he would join Alabama’s most illustrious past governors as beacons of progress for our fair land.
Michelle Fuentes is a Ph.D. candidate in political theory. Her column runs biweekly.
