My best friend for the last seven years can be incredibly frustrating to talk to when I have a problem. I typically will call her and ramble some quick details about whatever has happened and immediately ask, “What do you think I should do?” and then her incredibly frustrating response is “What do you think you should do?”
This response will often cause me to roll my eyes so hard that sometimes they get stuck in the back of my head for a second. I often huff back, “If I knew what I should do, I wouldn’t have called.” I sometimes get mad, blowing her off as if she doesn’t care because she’s obviously refusing to help me. But after I cool off and think about it, I know she’s been there for me through so many ups and downs that she has to care.
I am a rather stubborn person. I write an opinion column for The Crimson White – I have no doubt that this fun fact doesn’t shock you. When I decide I’m going to do something, I tend to just go ahead and do it. So whenever I become indecisive and look for advice, I feel very vulnerable. So when Alyx doesn’t immediately help me, I get defensive quickly as if not having an answer already is a weakness.
It’s funny that I complain about Alyx giving me advice, because the funny thing is – she’s always right. Anytime she’s helped me find a decision it’s always ended up being the best choice for me. I have often grappled with how one person can always be wise, and since after several tests have proved that she is not in fact psychic (tried to get her to read my mind, guess how many fingers I was holding up while wearing a blindfold, etc.) I had to find an alternative answer.
The key to Alyx’s advice is that it’s not really advice at all. Often times instead of a prescribed series of actions I should take, she instead hits me with a serious of questions on how I felt about different aspects of the situation, and it often boils down to her telling me to listen to my gut.
The reason why her advice always ends up being right is because it ends up being advice specifically catered to my perspective and makes me form my own decision. Often times these chats help me realize more about myself, and where I really stand on an issue. It takes up more of her time, but I end with an answer that is much more realistic to my needs than a quick response of what she would do in my shoes. It is an incredible act of compassion that she will take the time to help me work to these decisions, and I’m surprised she still does it when I often groan when she starts with “What do you think you should do?”
It is very easy when someone asks you for advice to quickly tell them to “Never do that again,” or “Just ignore it.” But taking the time to really help your friends figure out what is going on in different situations, can help you grow your relationships and give better advice to your friends in need. So get quiet for a minute, listen and help them figure it out by starting with “what do you think you should do?”
Meghan Dorn is a senior studying public relations and political science. Her column runs biweekly on Fridays.
