It seems like every time I open Instagram, someone I follow is “hard launching,” engaged or passing some other love-related milestone that I have yet to reach. As a senior in college, I can feel a fine line between having my entire life ahead of me and feeling like a senior citizen watching freshmen experience college life for the first time.
Going to college in the Bible Belt, I know “ring by spring” season is coming closer, and with it more and more reminders of things I feel behind on. When I was around 8 years old, I planned my entire wedding out in a glittery three-prong binder. The perfect age I had decided upon to get married was 28. I still hold to that, but somewhere along the way, others making these big-time commitments has made me rethink everything that second grade me had all figured out. The age of 21 feels all too young to feel so far behind.
It can be hard to feel alone in a sea of nearly 40,000 fish. While others get picked up by a boyfriend or partner from the function, I sit on the sidewalk mentally preparing for the awkward small talk I’ll have to make with my Uber driver on the ride home.
As every other college student, I’ve had my fair share of being heartbroken, being stood-up and being totally oblivious to what is and isn’t right for me. It’s a canon event. Never did I kid myself enough to think I’d find “the one” at a Gallettes Wine Wednesday, but somehow it feels as though everyone else has. And I cannot help but keep coming back to the question: Why haven’t I?
It can seem almost impossible sometimes to give these thoughts of dejection a bit of redirection. My Pinterest is filled with self-care recommendations and things to do to bide my abundant alone time, and I dim my screen so others won’t see my pitiful search history. But after one-too-many nights spent falling down a YouTube rabbit hole, a video popped up that completely changed my outlook.
A girl, almost 30 years old, gets dressed in a red gown and books a dinner reservation for herself. She sends herself flowers, with her hair and makeup done, completely on her own. Her reasoning? Life is too short to wait for someone else to make you feel special.
It can be tempting to fall into the trap of seeking validation through platforms such as Tinder or TikTok, as vulnerable young adults run rampant through them. But these means are merely putting band-aids on much deeper-seeded issues. One simply cannot love someone else if you haven’t done so for yourself first.
Dating platforms may seem enticing to find “the one,” but in the process you may lose sight of yourself. Research shows that young adults using these apps feel the need to mold themselves to fit what they think other users may want. They modify their appearance, likes and dislikes, all to fight feelings of inadequacy. How are we to “match” with someone online who is nothing like us in real life and expect a genuine connection?
Everyone’s life plan looks different. I have peers who are engaged, having their first baby or embarking on a new relationship, but also ones who are fresh out of a relationship, haven’t had a real boyfriend or even had a first kiss.
Vera Wang didn’t enter the fashion world until she was 40 years old. Kris Jenner didn’t skyrocket into “momager” stardom until 51 years old. Walt Disney was fired as a cartoonist from the Kansas City Star for not being creative enough before he went on to start the now infamous Walt Disney Studios. You are not behind or ahead of anyone, you are simply on a different timeline. Every setback is merely setting us up from something greater to come. Just because those around us are meeting these societal benchmarks before us, it doesn’t mean we have to fight and rearrange our life plans just to catch up to them.
Enjoy your youth. Enjoy this season of singleness, if that’s what you’re in. The right people will come into your life exactly when they’re supposed to, so don’t search in all the wrong places for your “Mr./Mrs. Right.” You only get one period in your life where parties on Tuesday nights are considered the norm, so spend it with the people who love you, not people you’re trying to force into love. All good things take time, and you are worth a good thing. It just might not be your time quite yet.
