Editor’s Note: The following article is a satirical piece written for the April Fool’s Day edition of The Crimson White. 

Popular shoe and eyewear maker TOMS announced plans last week for a new line of iPhone cases that will follow the company’s famous “One for One” business model: for every iPhone case it sells, TOMS will give another to a child in poverty.

TOMS representative Jeremy Sedlak unveiled the new case to over 400 people in skinny jeans and aviator sunglasses at a press conference outside an Apple store in Denver.

“It’s scary,” Sedlak said. “We just take it for granted every day that we don’t have to worry about dropping our iPhones or getting the screen all scratched up. But there are, literally, millions of people out there without iPhone cases of their own.”

Sedlak said the company expects to ship 40,000 cases in the first month to impoverished regions of Bolivia, Uganda and Papua New Guinea and hopes to expand to rural Burma as the case gains popularity.

“To see some poor child in a village and see his face when you hand him that new iPhone case,” he continued, “it just blows you away.”

Sophomore Myranda Bennett plans to buy the new case as soon as it becomes available early next month. She said its simple, canvas design will match her TOMS shoes, which she ordered last spring after watching “Blood Diamond” on an airplane.

“[The design] is just so practical,” Bennett explained. “I mean, you can’t give some farmer kid in Africa one of these complicated Otter Boxes and expect them to know what to do with it.”

Some criticize the starting price — $84 each — as unnecessarily expensive for five inches of woven canvas. But Bennett is undaunted.

“It is a little expensive, yeah, but, I mean, you’re really buying two, right?” she said. “Anyway, I’d rather spend more money and know I’m making a difference for a child in need.”