I don’t know if you know if you know this, but this Sunday was the annual Grammy Awards Ceremony. That is, the American Grammys, not the Latin Grammys, which are a thing I only recently learned about via a Simpsons joke.

I watched this year’s Grammys, mostly because a teacher of mine made me do it so that we could talk about them for class. During the bits I could make out on my phone while Hulu decided to be difficult, I noticed this fascinating little trend that, while subtle, was nonetheless prevalent throughout the ceremony. Namely, the fact that Billie Eilish won all the awards. All of them.

I would put forth, for the consideration of the public, that this has absolutely nothing to do with Miss Eilish’s talents or merit as an artist, and that the awards were given entirely due to the studio she records for pushing money and influence around on her behalf.

Not that this is a mark against her music – Billie Eilish is actually quite a talented musician. Nor is this a slight against her character. She knew, during the awards, what was going on. You could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice. She knew that the record label she signed with, Interscope Records, had pushed money around to the many, many corruptible, contemptible, soulless blackguards who run the Academy and vote on the awards. The Academy is a horrifying pit of corruption, a place where there is no integrity, no sense of artistic endeavor, no recognition of the most basic aspect of worth and value when it comes to art. It’s only about who gives you the most money, who has the most influence.

It’s always been like this. This is not a new phenomenon. The Academy, and all the various awards, are nothing but rich fools congratulating themselves on their own ability to spend immense amounts of money on things that few people actually, truly care about. They were a marketing ploy when they were first invented, and they remain nothing but an institution of selling stuff to sheep today.

Universal (who owns Interscope) wants Billie Eilish to be the next big name in music, beyond anyone who has ever come before. They made her the first woman in history to win the big four Grammys because they want to squeeze and wring her for every last cent they possibly can. Her name is now on the lips of everyone, and people will be looking forward to her next album with bated breath. It doesn’t matter that she is 18 years old and made that album to work through some pretty nasty mental problems. All that matters is the money, the wealth that they can accumulate by pushing her further and further into the stratosphere.

Honestly, I feel sorry for the poor girl. The bribery was evident during the ceremony, and it will only get more evident as time goes on. She’s not living this down, and when her next album doesn’t set the world on fire, she’ll lose a lot due to simple fan disappointment. This whole mess will, instead of helping her, do nothing but hurt.