According to the Britannica Online Encyclopedia, the Roman celebration of Lupercalia was the predecessor of the day we know as Valentine’s Day. Back then, contemporary technology would pair women and men via lottery to honor fertility while sacrificing animals at an altar.

Not only are the roots of Valentine’s Day questionable, but the modern-day celebration has also become obnoxious and has gotten out of hand.

This tradition has mutated into the Hallmark holiday we are all familiar with today, where local Tuscaloosa Tinder couples pair up in lottery fashion on Valentine’s Day, and single women sacrifice their dignity on elevated surfaces.

For the emotional thinkers who don’t like to measure an experience’s worth dollar for dollar, consider the following:

In 2009, there was a boy who was in the in the sixth grade, and he did not receive one valentine from his classmates. Not one. He wore sick cargo shorts to class to be able to fit all the candy and valentines he had planned on raking in. However, when he checked his brown paper bag, he saw nothing but one SpongeBob valentine from the teacher. (And the answer is yes, Mrs. C, I will be your Bubble Buddy.)

Surely, it must’ve been the slow economy that was to blame for the lack of valentines received. At the time, people were just clawing their way out of a recession – certainly, the situation was not personal, purely just a business decision – despite annual Valentine’s Day spending of $14.7 billion in 2009.

For the more pragmatic, financial thinkers, Valentine’s Day is a waste of time and resources. It’s more than just a waste. It’s a colossal waste. As a matter of fact, in 2018 the National Retail Federation estimated total Valentine’s Day-related spending would hit $19.6 billion dollars. Broken down to an individual level, the NRF expected Americans to each spend an average of $143.56 last year.

Furthermore, the cost of raising a child through age 17 is $233,610, according to the Department of Agriculture. So once one has accounted for their Valentine’s Day expenses, it would be wise to earmark at least $5 of that budget for contraceptives.

Folks who spend $143.56 on their significant other are doing so for one of two reasons: They are either trying to put a monetary value on their affection or they’re trying to make up for the lack of spark in their relationship.

For the fellas, come on. The price of the cheapest Tiffany & Co. bracelet isn’t going to earn you any favors. This isn’t like Christmas, where you can make up for an entire year’s worth of behavior with a bouquet and chocolates in the 11th hour. Just stop liking her enemies’ Instagram pictures.

As for the ladies, spending that money isn’t going to keep your significant other from liking that Instagram model’s pictures. You might not consider running around half-naked at a beach “art,” but it is. Sorry, not sorry.

The acute pressure that the cherub with a bow and arrow can place on people near Valentine’s Day can be sickening. Finding a hail-Mary valentine last minute won’t work out, just like lofty New Year’s resolutions (which have been broken by now). The holiday stresses singles out and creates a financial burden for couples who should just appreciate each other year round.

Fellas, don’t get me wrong, all of this is a gigantic waste of money – but it’s also marginally better than being single, right?